Disclaimer: OK.. You'll know the drill Voyager and all the Characters herein are the property of Paramount. No infringement is intended, and I make no profit from writing this..blah ...blah..blah..
Rated: R
Authors Notes: I guess this is a little A/U of sorts. I know that this would never happen in cannon, But I do love my little dark moments. This is perhaps what might have happened in caretaker if the universe in which voyager resides, was a little more cruel, and both starfleets and Janeways ideals were a little ....looser.
I apologise for any inconsistencies, but my copy of "Caretaker" has been borrowed and was never returned to me. So I had to do this all from the novelisation by L.A Graf, and my own memory.
All Feedback to: gadget112@talk21.com Chakotays Personal Log.
Stardate: 48315.9
Damn that woman!! I knew she was trouble the moment her face filled the screen. Typical Starfleet brat. So self assured, so entirely devoted to her mission, her purpose in life. Her posture ramrod straight, her hair impeccable, completely unflustered. She was everything a Starfleet captain should be. Not bad for somebody who'd just been dragged halfway across the galaxy against their will. And Oh...Spirits those eyes!! That penetrating gaze. It felt as if she was staring, looking deep into my very soul. The deep swirling blue, slowly changing to a misty blue sea fog with her mood. They sparkled like finely cut diamond catching the light. Yet for all her coolness. A deep fire, a passion burned behind that calm, in control, determined facade.
In another time, another place, she'd have made a damned fine Maquis. I wanted her, I yearned to be in her presence. The woman defined the term "Command Presence". She radiated it. It was always something I had to work at. To her, It came naturally. All she had to do was walk into a room and people would turn around and listen. I wanted her, I wanted to pull the pins out of that tightly woven bun, and run my hands through those long auburn locks. I wanted to kiss her
senseless. I wanted to run my hands over that lean, finely muscled body. I wanted to make her loose that control she fought so hard to keep, under my hands.
All of this from a brief conversation over a viewscreen. She introduced herself as Captain Kathryn Janeway. Her beauty, her power, the trust she showed me and my Maquis, all my thoughts from seconds before, hit me full pelt as if a high yield photon torpedo had exploded right before me. I couldn't think straight. I could barely speak. It was there already the inexplicable attraction, I felt as if she were all over me, under my skin, and all I could think to say was "How do you know my name?" my ship was falling apart around me, The command consoles burned out around me, their interfaces as black as the cold night of space. I should have been worried, I should have been terrified. Yet all I could see, all I could feel was her.
I trusted her implicitly even then. There was really no doubt in my mind that her crewman was missing , just as B'elanna was. Perhaps I've spent to much time around Tuvok, but logic seemed to dictate that we should work together. I drew my phaser as my form solidified on voyagers bridge. However, it was an act of instinct. I never had any intention of using it.
Oh my sweet, bonny Kate. So brave, so noble. She stood in front of me, so close that we were breathing the same air, So close I could smell her scent, her perfume. So close that her breasts grazed against my chest. I hardened against her. I was mortified at my reaction to her closeness, I had been certain that she'd lock me up and throw away the key. She'd felt it all right, she looked down to my tented pants, before looking at me, arching an elegant eyebrow. She wasn't angry, or embarrassed. If anything I'd say she was amused, and...thoughtful perhaps, as if she were filing away an important piece of information for later use.
"Put down your weapons. You won't need those here." She ordered, and I was grateful she didn't move. I holstered my phaser and motioned for Ayala to do the same. When she greeted Tuvok as if he were an old friend, and it became obvious that Seskas' suspicions that he was a spy had been confirmed, oddly, I felt nothing but a slight twinge of disappointment, and betrayal. Perhaps a slight bruising to my ego at not recognising his deception sooner. If this had been any other Captain standing before me, I would have been enraged, ready to kill the bastard for his betrayal. I can honestly say I understood, he was only doing his duty. For the sake of keeping up appearances, I lashed out anyway.
The same thing happened with Tom Paris. B'elanna will testify that our pissing contests were always long and drawn out affairs, the stuff of legend among the Maquis. I took a few digs at him. I was toying with him, playing the game, and in the process leaving no doubt as to who was the alpha male in this situation. It also had the effect of my darlin' Kate touching me again. My, my she is terribly protective of her crew isn't she? I thought it might be something I could use to my advantage.
Seska had dubbed it my "Angry Warrior Routine" it used to have a purpose, but now a game was all it was. I had no intention of being difficult or self righteous. There was no doubt in my mind: I would follow this woman anywhere, and so I didn't hesitate to follow her to the surface of the Ocampa planet. I didn't even protest at Paris' presence. I thought nothing of following her orders not to harm the banjo playing caretaker, when what I would have liked to do is rip him limb from limb, and on any other day I would have rather died than let Paris come to my rescue, but I wanted to survive, needed to. For her. I didn't give a second thought to ramming the Liberty, into the side of that Kazon rust bucket, because somehow, we had to survive. We had to get this crew home. Together.
When B'elanna whirled on her, as she gave the orders to destroy the Caretakers array, I stood between them. When B'elanna asked "Who the hell is she to be making these decisions for all of us" I straightened my posture and replied with conviction "She's the Captain." Torres backed down looking at me curiously. She knew what this was about. She knew the game I was playing, knew what I wanted out of all of this. She always could read me like a book.
Strangest thing is: It should have been me asking those questions. I didn't even begin to question myself until I found myself standing by Kathryns' side in a Starfleet uniform I thought I'd disowned years ago.
We watched with morbid curiosity, as the plasma cloud that used to be the array, swirled and expanded before our eyes. I felt a hand rest at the hollow of my back. The simple touch sent shivers up my spine as my dear Kate whispered in that deep husky voice "Chakotay..My ready room. When you have a moment." before she meandered toward her ready room with a definite swing to her hips, I was sure she meant just for me. It took me all of 30 seconds to follow.
When I walked into that ready room, I knew I'd lost. Looking back with 20/20 vision I realise that the mistake I made. I underestimated her. I didn't realise I was playing with a master. She had the advantage, this was her territory, and she knew it. She stood on the upper level of the ready room, hands on her hips, that wry, slightly amused, and incredibly sexy smile on her face, her eyes burning blue fire. The game was on.
" What can I do for you Kathryn?"
" Under the circumstances, don't you think 'Captain' would be more appropriate?"
"Oh? I wasn't aware I'd been enlisted." She came down from the upper level, She was circling me now, watching my every move. Like a Hawk. Her hands ran across my shoulders and down my back seductively. Suddenly my pants felt very constrictive. She stood in front of me, her hands playing over my chest. "Tell me Chakotay...what are you playing at.. Hmm?" She husked as she ground her hips against me. It took all my will power to stay still. "For someone who left Starfleet..." She punctuated the sentences with nips to my chin, down my neck, across my chest, before continuing south. " betrayed all that it stood for..."
" To join the .."
"Maquis rebels.."
"you are.a.."
" Very....very..very.."
"Trusting man." I shouted out loud as she grasped my manhood through my pants, almost twisting it, hard. she had meant it to hurt, and it did.
"What can I say..You've got me hooked, besides I don't much care for the idea of being locked up in the brig, at your pleasure for the next 75 years.." I breathed heavily.
" Oh I don't know... I can think of worse things than having you locked up at my pleasure.." She grinned pulling the pins out of her hair, letting the long auburn waves fall around her shoulders. She pulled me toward her kissing me hard, her tongue deep in my mouth touching and tasting. I groaned out, and started to kiss her back. She pulled away abruptly, and I felt the stinging slap of her hand across my jaw. "That's for your insubordination."
She stepped away, looking up at me, her jaw firm. Hands on hips in typical Janeway stance. "Truth be told, Chakotay: I need you. I'm half a crew missing, and without your support I haven't got a hope in hell of ever controlling your Maquis. Join me, be my first officer. We may have differences in political opinion, but quite frankly it's of no consequence out here. All that matters is getting those people home." she nodded toward the bridge.
" What for?.." I snorted " We've got nothing to go back to, only a nice long stint in a federation penal colony, Thanks but no thanks." It was a cheap shot and I didn't mean it. I longed for the alpha quadrant almost as much as she did, people are fighting and dying for our cause every moment we stay here. I'm a complete arsehole sometimes, and I know it, but the one thing I've never been is a coward.
She arched an eyebrow at me, not believing a word I said. All I could do was throw her a bashful grin. "What about your pet Vulcan? What's he got to say about all this?"
I husked, as she pushed me toward the upper level. Wrapping her arms around me, tracing the lines of my tattoo, as the back of my legs came into contact with the sofa.
She laughed " Lets just say, he was never first officer material..." she said turning and pushing me against a bulkhead. This time she let me kiss her back. That was it. An hour later I found myself standing by her side in a Starfleet uniform hanging on her every word, and wondering how the hell I'd managed to get myself into this situation.
I couldn't believe this woman, she had some guile. Less than an hour ago, She'd had me against a bulkhead, on the floor of the ready room, and I'll never look at that desk the same way again. She came screaming my name, and we never even locked the door. Yet, here she stood, every bit the captain. Hair and posture perfect as usual. Giving her crew, no .. our crew a pep talk. Touching each expectant look with a reassuring gaze. I fancied that she held mine a little longer than the rest.
" We're alone in an uncharted part of the galaxy. We've already made some friends here, " she nodded toward Neelix and Kes, they had to be the strangest couple I'd ever seen, but it takes all sorts I guess. "and some enemies" She continued. I never took my eyes from her.
"We have no idea of the dangers we're going to face, But one thing is clear:- Both crews are going to have to work together if we're to survive. That's why Commander Chakotay and I have agreed that this should be one crew. A Starfleet crew, and as the only Starfleet vessel 'assigned' to the Delta Quadrant, We'll continue to follow our directive to seek out new worlds and explore space. Our Primary goal is clear. Even at maximum speeds, it would take 75 years to reach federation space. She locked eyes with me and shook her head. "I'm not willing to settle for that..."
I never did hear the rest of that speech, I was lost in her eyes. Her face, the way her lips moved. I was reminded of how those same lips felt on me, nibbling down my chest, her lips around me. I vaguely remember her ordering Paris to set a course for home. Then she was at my side again. "Commander, the bridge is yours. I'll be in my quarters if you need me."
Her voice was all business, but I could feel the sensual undercurrent, I always could with her. I watched her stride toward the turbolift, and grinned. "Yes Ma'am" She threw a look over her shoulder "Oh..and Commander? I will be expecting a full report."
I 'm not sure if I believe that we'll ever get home, certainly not with the same conviction she obviously has, but one things for sure: It's going to be one hell of a ride.
Computer,
End Log.
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